Well, it went as expected. Last night was the reading of Luke 2, prayer, singing some Christmas songs accapella, and opening most of the gifts for the adults. We all were thankful for the gifts received. I was up until 2 in the morning watching the newest Mummy movie I'd gotten from my brother-in-law and setting up the Wii to save some time in the morning.

Kids woke us up before 8 yelling Merry Christmas with much excitement in their voices, which, by the way, sounded much like nails on a chalk board. Coffee was made and we went downstairs to get the cameras ready.

The kids each sat down to their respective piles of gifts and opened some shoes and a couple of practical things. Then they each opened 5 or so wrapped boxes that contained nothing more than puzzle pieces made from paper. When the puzzle was completed, it spelled out the following message, "Merry Christmas. Your present isn't this." People underestimate the pricelessness of facial expressions. Then came the Wii controllers and the lifting of the blanket that had "just been thrown" on top of the entertainement system as if to get it off the floor.

Screams ensued. Jumping up and down like they would defy the law of gravity happened several times. In-laws laughed and parents smiled and shook their heads. The morning has been spent racing on Mario Kart and installing a dishwasher. It's humourous watching a grandmother learn how to play a modern day video game system.

It's been a good day.

Merry Christmas!

My Hatred of God

"If you love Me, you will keep My commandments." -- John 14:15

The only thing I remember from my Geometry teacher, Ms. Cappell, was if/then statements.

This was the only class I ever got an F in. And anyone from my high school can empathize with me. She was the toughest teacher there (or I'm convinced anywhere).

If/then statements have helped me define the world. It's really simple logic. If one thing holds true, then something else flows from that truth that holds true also. It's not the only kind of logic, but it's basic and simple.

It's also easy to see the negative side of things when using these statements. If the 'then' statement falls short, then the 'if' part of it is proven false. For example, if I am bald, then I have no hair. So it's implied that if I have hair, then I can't be bald (let's leave weaves and toupees out of the equation please).

A lot of Jesus' statements He made were if/then. And they're great to read if we skim over them without the negative side hitting us in the stomach.

If I love Him, then I'll keep His commandments.

If I don't keep His commandments, then. . .

Do I have the honesty with myself to actually finish that statement? Can I bear the reality of it?

If I'm am to seek truth in my life and I believe that Scripture is the ultimate source of truth in all of creation, then I have to finish it. Then I don't love Him.

Can I say I love Him when:

* I neglect my wife and kids for something "more important"

* I am impatient with people who may be less mature

* I don't love my wife as my own body

* I don't love my neighbor as myself (or even know their names)

* I don't put my mind, strength, and heart into worship

* I neglect my body with excesses

* I get frustrated with Pharisaical people in Christendom

I would have to say the answer is no. Psalm 63:3 says, "Because the loving kindness of God is better than life, my lips will praise you." So if the loving kindness of God is better than life, then it's better than anything life has to offer. So when I choose other things over His loving kindness, then I'm, in reality, showing my hatred for Him. My disdain for His glory. My rebellion towards His will and my self-glorification. I'm showing what a wretched creature I really am. I'm proving that there is a part of me that really desires to be under His wrath for eternity because I want no part of Him.

This is more severe than "no one is perfect." It goes beyond the realm of "God still loves me and He understands." This isn't bumper sticker theology. It's a hatred for His word. Man, that's hard. But I don't see where Christ gives us any other option. Love or hate. Obedience or rebellion. I can't seem to find the grey area. I can justify it. Oh, believe me, the past few years of selling cars has taught me how to justify things. That's what selling is. Justifying why someone should own your product. And I've seen it abused to rip people off. I've seen people 'justify' why they should take on more debt than they can possibly afford in order to buy something. And I've seen the biggest salesmen in the world in the church. Justifying their feelings over Scripture. Justifying their traditions over Christ-centered worship. Justifying their hatred for God. And I feel like I'm chief among them.

That's why my dependence on Christ has got to be central. That's why I have to fight for the joy that pours from Him like a massive river and not a stagnant trough. That's why I have to run, like a deer that's about to be killed by pursuing hunters, to the cross. It's all I've got.

And if it's all I've got, then I'd be a fool not to stay under it.

OK. I Saw it, now what?

Yesterday, me and my wonderful wife went out on a date. I know. Yeah, it actually happened. Since our last date was in August, it's a little surreal to me as well. But we had a nice time. The highlight for me was just being with her and no kids. All the married couples with chillins can understand what I'm saying.

The highlight for my wife was that she got to share with me something very close and dear to her heart. Something that in recent days she has grown very interested in and veerrry fond of. (I know I ended a sentence with a preposition, get over it.) So what do you ask could be so near and dear to a woman in her mid-30's heart?

The tween phenomenon, Twilight! Yes, folks that's right, Twilight. You have to understand something. My wife doesn't go to the movies. She just doesn't. Oh, she'll go occasionally and we do rent movies from time to time, but as a general rule, theaters are just not really her thing. It's my thing. I love movies and I love going to the theater by myself. It's my escape. I don't go that often, because it has to be a certain movie that I'm going to pay $9 for. (I know, another preposition) But she just doesn't get excited about that many flicks. Except for Twilight.

Now, dear reader, you may be saying, "Stacy, what's the big deal? So you guys went to see Twilight." You'd be right to underestimate the importance of me taking the time to blog about this, IF it was the first time we'd both seen it and it was just a casual, "Hey, let's go see that new show Twilight everyone's been talking about." And that's the way it was for me. But for my wife, this was the 4th time. That's right folks, the 4th time! I mean, she thinks I'm obsessive for me to watch some of my dvd's over and over. But 4 times? And it's about vampires! Vampires I say! She doesn't like vampires! She won't even watch Blade with me. Or Interview with a Vampire. And folks, I mean these are pretty wimpy kind of Vampires if you ask me. All they do is whine about their existence. "Ohhh, I'm immortal and I've been 17 for 100 plus years. Boo Hoo. I like Bella but I don't want her to get hurt. Waaaaa." Get over dude. You can kick the crap outta any body that messes with you and you're rich. Stop your dang whining!

Sorry, didn't mean to get off on a rant there. I'm sure I've just made some people mad and I'm sorry. I did like the movie. But it was just average at best. I just want someone to explain the pull this has had over my very sane and mature wife. And it's not just her. Her friends are all into this thing as well. And let me tell you all something, these are about the coolest ladies I've ever met. I mean, I think a LOT about Missy's friends. Their level headed and wise women and they are actually fun to be around. Missy can be herself around them and not feel like she'll offend anyone, because they just accept people as they are. I really find it hard to believe there are Christain women out there like that. Ahh, to be Presbyterian! At any rate, they are sucked up into this thing as well.

Now I know it sounds like I'm complaining. I'm not. I actually think it's cute to see her get into a story like this. I guess it boils down to fear. I'm actually scarred I'm gonna come home one night and she'll have a pair of wax fangs and some body glitter laying on the night stand. If you've seen the movie, you know what I'm saying.

Elections and Hurricanes

I want to discuss this past election. Man o Man what a ride! Since I'm not very sophisticated when it comes to the political scene, this blog post (to the one or two people who will read it) will probably seem naive and simple or down right retarded. But it is my humble opinion that this was the coolest thing I've seen in my lifetime as far as elections go.

I'm a conservative. I did not vote for Barak Obama. However, I really didn't like McCain either. Some of the things he's done in the past few months and some of his positions seem just as socialistic as Obama (I say "some of the things" when I can only think of one, which is the bail out.) But, since I'm not a student of political philosophy, I can't even be dogmatic on that either.

I've heard arguments on both sides of the spectrum. One saying that Obama's economical policies of adding taxes to the rich and to corporations will hurt the middle class due to employer's having to lay off people due to the extra expense of more taxes. And the other end saying that McCain's policies wouldn't help the middle class or the poor, because those two classes of income wouldn't get any tax breaks at all. I'm sure there is more to the issue of economics than just tax breaks though.

And so it goes with both sides arguing on both ends of the spectrum about everything. Foreign policy/relations, defense spending, homeland security, gun control, etc., etc. It gets very confusing for me. The only thing I know in determining what a government should do is what I've found in Scripture: 1) Promote justice and 2) Defend it's people. And even in that I'm probably missing something somewhere.

So, for me, it came down to a moral issue. I cannot support anyone who is in favor of abortions. Especially partial birth abortions. I know this could offend some people and that is not my intent of this post. I can hear voices being raised, "What about cases of rape, incest, and the health of the mother?" "You're a man and have no right to tell a woman what she can do with her body." To the first question, I don't see how it's logical to justify millions of abortions per year on the basis of 1%. That's the percentage of abortions performed for the above listed reasons. To the second, if that line of reasoning holds true then I, as a man or any man for that matter, cannot be in opposition to or in favor for a woman's right to choose. In other words, only women should vote on the issue if that logic holds true. But I bet that any militant pro-abortionist would gladly take the support of any man who supports this issue. So, again, for me, this was the issue that determined my vote. Even though I was pretty sure that Obama would win.

With that being said, a person of minority has just won the presidential election! How amazing is that! I think it says a lot about our country that this has taken place. And not only that, it was feasible that a woman could have been our vice president! We're talking history here folks! And we were a part of it! Maybe I'm wrong for feeling and thinking this way, but I do.

But here's the rub. Being as I run in the circles that I do, i.e. conservative evangelicals, I think it's funny the emphasis that has been on this election. The people I know are scared (but in their "spiritual" language, they are "concerned"). As if our ultimate future rests in the hands of Barak Obama or John McCain. It doesn't! A few years ago, when a pretty big hurricane (I can't remember which one) was on it's way, my previous pastor said this in his opening prayer one Sunday morning. "Lord, let us not fear the storm that is approaching, but let us fear the one who controls the storm." Great prayer. I believe that can be applied to any 'storm' we face. Don't be afraid, oh, I mean, concerned, about the man who leads our country. Instead be afraid (and I mean the appropriate fear) of the One who turns the hearts of men like a river where He wants.

So there. I've stood on my unimportant soap box and said my peace which has no bearing on anything. And I've proven to the world how big of an idiot I am when it comes to politics. Oh well, at least it's not raining.

Decisions of Consequence

What a week it's been. As a matter of fact, what a "4 weeks it's been." The middle of last month we got a new general manager at the dealership. Since then I've sold 7 cars. Which means I'm 10 cars behind at least. Last weekend I went to the beach for a vacation with my family. It was hands down the best vacation I've ever had. The Wednesday before I left, I got a call from my mom that my grandmother was dying and they were calling the family in. She's still around as of today and seems to be getting better. She's 95 years old and a believer, so it's sad her time is almost finished, but comforting that her life has been so long and that I'll be reunited with her in a much better reality than this one day.

This past week also found me with a decision concerning my church. I was voted to be a deacon. Now there are a lot of factors to consider with this.

Here are a few of them:
1) Am I qualified? The qualifications listed in the New Testament are not light and are not to be
taken lightly. Although many churches view these qualifications as simply suggestions, I can't
seem to help but think these are strict and final. They aren't a joke. So I've had to work
through some tough questions of myself and my family the past few days.
2) If I am qualified, do I have the time? My job demands a lot of me and my time, so I have to
make sure that I can fulfill this commitment.
3) Does my wife think I'm qualified, and does she think this is something I need to do even if
it requires more of a sacrifice for us? I've got to make sure she believes this is something to
do for the joy of our family and that she doesn't feel it's going to be a burden.

After spending a lot of time talking with people I respect and trust in their theology and biblical interpretation, I think I am qualified despite mistakes and circumstances in my past. From talking with my pastor, I think the time factor won't be a problem. And my Missy thinks I should accept and that it would be a joy for me and our family to sacrifice for this.

So the only thing I've got to do now is to decide if I want to do it. I'm pretty content right now where I'm at in life. And, to be honest, this has the potential to cause a disruption in that. It's more responsibility and it seems like it would "throw a wrench in the works". But the question isn't, "Will this disrupt my life?", because it probably will. The question is, "Will the joy to be had by sacrifice and accepting this callm out way the sacrifice?" Jim Elliot said that a man is no fool to give up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. He was speaking about salvation, but I think it applies to life post-conversion.

I don't want to sound pious here. I haven't made the decision yet. I'm still contemplating and praying. I wish I was spiritual enough to make the decision without considering all these things, but I'm not. I also know that I'll be encountering some opposition from people that think I'm not qualified because I have a divorce in my past. And that I've made some mistakes after the divorce. I'll have to have an answer for those people and live with their criticism.

But in my talking with people these past few days, someone reminded me of a great truth. I'll post more on that tomorrow.

Stacy the Sentimentalist

I guess I get a little sentimental. I think it's a flaw personally. We sentimentalize (did I just make up a new word?) everything in this country. Probably because we so brain dead that we'd rather "feel" than think. But in any case, I'm sentimental. I've been on facebook now for a week and a half. In that time I have heard from friends I haven't seen in 19 years. When I see their pictures I remember very special times for me. Like when my great uncle died while I was on a mission trip. He was like a grandfather to me and I loved him very much. Some of our group was at a laundromat when we got the news and when we got back to the church we were staying at, I collapsed on my pallet on the floor and began crying. A girl named Regina bent down and gave me this big hug and held me there while I was weeping. She cried with me because, well she was simply my friend. I've never forgot that.

I've chatted with a friend from college that I haven't talked to in a long time. He was a very big help and comfort through one of the most difficult times in my life.

I've been able to catch up with some of the kids from my youth group when I was a youth pastor and see how their lives have been progressing.

I've gotten messages from an old pastor who's teaching and preaching challenged my faith and my theological structure. He was a big influence in my life.

I've even heard from a couple of my best friend's ex-girlfriends from high school that I had a good friendship with.

And I get to watch how sweet and beautiful my wife is even in cyberspace.

This process has brought a lot of nostalgic feelings to surface. I try to fight it, but it comes out anyway. Now some of you are going to say, "Hey, there's nothing wrong with that." And to an extent you'd be right. The danger is that I want to stay there in those memories and feelings. I don't want to leave because they are comforting to me. But that's not where God wants me to live. There are so many people in my church that always speak of the "Good 'Ol Days" when our congregation reached 500 people on Sunday morning. I hear old car salesmen talk of the "Good 'Ol Days" of selling. The problem with the "Good 'Ol Days" is that they probably weren't that good. There was grumbling and complaining and heartache and struggles like there is today. Our human tendency, or maybe our cultural tendency, is to romanticise yesterday. But God has so much more in store for us today and tomorrow than we could ever hope to have gained from yesterday. If Paul forgot what was behind him and pressed on to take hold of God's better covenant with His people, then I can do no less. Of course what he was talking about was a little different than the context here, but can't the same principle be applied?

I love the times that I had in my life that God used to show me His Grace and Mercy and Love through the people I've reacquainted myself with on facebook. But, given my flaw for staying in yester year, I want to press on and strive to know the One in whose right hand are pleasures forever and ever.

My Sole Good

Oh! that I might repose on Thee! Oh! that Thou wouldest enter into my heart, and inebriate it, that I may forget my ills, and embrace Thee, my sole good! What art Thou to me? In Thy pity, teach me to utter it. Or what am I to Thee that Thou demandest my love, and, if I give it not, art wroth with me, and threatenest me with grievous woes? Is it then a slight woe to love Thee not? Oh! for Thy mercies' sake, tell me, O Lord my God, what Thou art unto me. Say unto my soul, I am thy salvation. So speak, that I may hear. Behold, Lord, my heart is before Thee; open Thou the ears thereof, and say unto my soul, I am thy salvation. After this voice let me haste, and take hold on Thee. Hide not Thy face from me. Let me die- lest I die- only let me see Thy face.
Narrow is the mansion of my soul; enlarge Thou it, that Thou mayest enter in. It is ruinous; repair Thou it. It has that within which must offend Thine eyes; I confess and know it. But who shall cleanse it? or to whom should I cry, save Thee? Lord, cleanse me from my secret faults, and spare Thy servant from the power of the enemy. I believe, and therefore do I speak. Lord, Thou knowest. Have I not confessed against myself my transgressions unto Thee, and Thou, my God, hast forgiven the iniquity of my heart? I contend not in judgment with Thee, who art the truth; I fear to deceive myself; lest mine iniquity lie unto itself. Therefore I contend not in judgment with Thee; for if Thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall abide it? -- St. Augustine, "The Confessions of St. Augustine"

I'm not an expert on Augustine. I know a little about the man, but I haven't read his works. I got curious and started reading some of his confessions. This quote leaped out at me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that he articulated the problem before us and God to a tee.
It seems paradoxical, the fact that God commands the impossible act for us to love Him when we're incapable of loving. I mean incapable to the fullest extent. Not able, not willing, and not inclined. I do not want to love God in and of myself. I hated Him. I was His enemy. I wanted nothing to do with Him and therefore, by default, I wanted to go to hell. Yet I, like everyone else in the world, was commanded to love Him. But what are we to God for Him to desire us to love Him? What am I to a holy and just Creator? Augustine asked God for the only answer. Inebriate my heart. Fill my heart with God's love and salvation. Make it drunk for Him. I like that phrase. I want my heart to be drunk on God's Holy Spirit and not on wine. He calls God his "sole" good. He's the only good in this world and the only thing good for our souls.

But the problem continues after God changes our hearts. Our hearts are still small and like a ruin. My heart is not fit for the King of Glory to enter it. So Augustine asks of Him to repair it and enlarge it that God may enter. God comes in and cleanses our hearts so that He can give us the ability to love Him. He forgives and doesn't hold our iniquity against us. He frees us and chooses to love us despite our hatred of Him. When Joseph's brothers cast him into the well with the intent of murder, God had already planned their actions. He used this act so that He could save the murderers. That is the epitome of mercy. I'm going to use this sin to save the sinners. I can't fathom that kind of grace. I can't get my head around the scope and scale of that kind of mercy. Because if God didn't show that kind of mercy and grace to sinners, then who indeed could stand?